⚡ CFB Dashboard

Dearest Mother — The mountain men have departed Greenville. I regret to report they have taken the field once more. 27 to 24. We fought better than we did in Alabama. We gained ground. We showed courage. General Petey Pablo himself rallied the men before battle, and thousands removed their shirts and swung them overhead in accordance with East Carolina military doctrine. For a moment, Mother, I believed it might be enough. It was not. We surrendered the ball twice. Yellow flags fell upon us like artillery. On third down, our advances again stalled in the mud. The Mountaineers have now defeated us four straight times. I watched them return toward Boone. I did not wave. The men are 0–2. Spirits are low. General Pablo has departed. The tarps have been put back on. But this morning, a messenger arrived bearing news. Kenny Chesney is coming to Dowdy. May 1st. Mother, I suddenly understand why we endure. There shall come a spring day when no Mountaineers descend from the hills. No Crimson Tide rolls in from Alabama. No third down requires conversion. There shall only be Kenny. And Eric Church. And Sheryl Crow. The Boneyard shall become No Shoes Nation. The Purple Haze shall smell faintly of Blue Chair Bay Rum. And tens of thousands shall gather inside Dowdy-Ficklen with neither shoes, nor shirts, nor problems. Perhaps this football campaign shall bring us suffering. Perhaps winter shall be long. But somewhere beyond it lies May 1st. And on that glorious day, Mother, the Pirates shall finally face an East Tennessean we are happy to see. Until then, we march for Norfolk. -Lieutenant Pee Dee